Or, How to embarrass oneself during the holidays.
Option One = While At the Waterpark.
Step 1: Go on a trip with the family.
Step 2: Decide it is too cold for skiing and go to a waterpark instead.
Step 3: Make sure the waterpark has indoor components.
Step 4: Have a great time until you notice the SMOKIN' HOT guy standing by the slides. He works there, is shirtless, and is GORGEOUS and so attractive he makes you want to ... nevermind. You're already only wearing a bikini.
Step 5: Almost drop the inflated inner tube you are carrying (these are required for the slides)
Step 6: Realize that doing so would be embarrassing. Mumble "SHIT" and recover, smiling at said SMOKIN' HOT man.
Step 7: Regaining confidence, try to look sexy in your new bikini.
Step 8: Realize your summer tan is gone.
Step 9: Confidence diminishes slightly. To make up for it, stand tall but cutely.
Step 10: Realize you are trying to look sexy while holding up a huge blue inner tube.
~End of Story.~
Option Two = While Skiing.
1. Ski ski ski ski ski.
2. Think you're so skilled and elegant, nobody better look at you with anything but admiration.
3. Stop on slope to wait for sister.
4. Notice good looking, truly talented snowboarder whiz by.
5. To your delight, HE STOPS five yards down the mountain and grins at you.
6. (Still waiting for sister) wave cutely, make cute pose (in ski suit, you can DEFINITELY see that. Yeah. Right.)
7. While smiling and waving and hoping for him to respond, sister comes sliding down the mountain at top speed.
8. Sister crashes into you, you both fall, and slide down past the snowboarder, losing your skis and poles along the way, finally getting hopelessly tangled in a tree.
9. Hear snowboarder laugh. Hope he just goes away.
10. Hope he just didn't see.
11. Snowboarder picks up your stuff and brings it to you.
12. You say, "Arghlaksdriep? Thmnks...yrhou?" Because sister's elbow is lodged in your stomach.
13. He laughs and leaves.
Happy Holidays everybody!
Love,
~Dido
