Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Ah the joys of the season.

Or, How to embarrass oneself during the holidays.

Option One = While At the Waterpark.
Step 1: Go on a trip with the family.
Step 2: Decide it is too cold for skiing and go to a waterpark instead.
Step 3: Make sure the waterpark has indoor components.
Step 4: Have a great time until you notice the SMOKIN' HOT guy standing by the slides. He works there, is shirtless, and is GORGEOUS and so attractive he makes you want to ... nevermind. You're already only wearing a bikini.
Step 5: Almost drop the inflated inner tube you are carrying (these are required for the slides)
Step 6: Realize that doing so would be embarrassing. Mumble "SHIT" and recover, smiling at said SMOKIN' HOT man.
Step 7: Regaining confidence, try to look sexy in your new bikini.
Step 8: Realize your summer tan is gone.
Step 9: Confidence diminishes slightly. To make up for it, stand tall but cutely.
Step 10: Realize you are trying to look sexy while holding up a huge blue inner tube.
~End of Story.~

Option Two = While Skiing.
1. Ski ski ski ski ski.
2. Think you're so skilled and elegant, nobody better look at you with anything but admiration.
3. Stop on slope to wait for sister.
4. Notice good looking, truly talented snowboarder whiz by.
5. To your delight, HE STOPS five yards down the mountain and grins at you.
6. (Still waiting for sister) wave cutely, make cute pose (in ski suit, you can DEFINITELY see that. Yeah. Right.)
7. While smiling and waving and hoping for him to respond, sister comes sliding down the mountain at top speed.
8. Sister crashes into you, you both fall, and slide down past the snowboarder, losing your skis and poles along the way, finally getting hopelessly tangled in a tree.
9. Hear snowboarder laugh. Hope he just goes away.
10. Hope he just didn't see.
11. Snowboarder picks up your stuff and brings it to you.
12. You say, "Arghlaksdriep? Thmnks...yrhou?" Because sister's elbow is lodged in your stomach.
13. He laughs and leaves.

Happy Holidays everybody!
Love,
~Dido

Friday, November 5, 2010

Thoughts on Those of the Male Persuasion.

Ingrid, ShoSho, Pterodactyl and I are in the A Cappella Club here at BYU. One Tuesday evening, we were walking back to our dorm after a club meeting when we passed a group of guys. Suddenly, one of the guys says, "Hey ladies, look how fast I can run," and takes off running. And we all burst out laughing, and proceeded to discuss all the way home how that was just a particularly blatant example of what ALL MALES DO.

It's true.

Men just crave attention from women. It doesn't matter whether they like the women, or would ever date the women, or find the women remotely attractive. They just want their existences validated and so they attempt to gain praise by being ridiculous show-offs.

So now, whenever we notice a guy showing off in some manner or other, we say "Ladies, look how fast I can run" and collapse in a fit of immature giggles, much to the confusion of the poor male who has just failed in his attempt to impress us with whatever (getting a concussion, being able to hit a low B flat, knowing pi to 500 places, etc.). All of the previous examples, by the way, actually happened.

So yes. Boys are ridiculous.

In other news, you should get on YouTube RIGHT NOW and watch the movie "Angus, Thongs, and Perfect Snogging." The book is better, but the movie is still basically the funniest thing ever.

Hugs and Kisses,
Medusa

This Isn't A Real Post

Rather, it's the lyrics to Medusa's favorite song, in their entirety. It's possibly the most poignant and beautiful song ever.


And So it Goes
by Billy Joel

In every heart there is a room
A sanctuary safe and strong
To heal the wounds from lovers past
Until a new one comes along

I spoke to you in cautious tones
You answered me with no pretense
And still I feel I said too much
My silence is my self defense

And every time I've held a rose
It seems I only felt the thorns
And so it goes, and so it goes
And so will you soon I suppose

But if my silence made you leave
Then that would be my worst mistake
So I will share this room with you
And you can have this heart to break

And this is why my eyes are closed
It's just as well for all I've seen
And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows

So I would choose to be with you
As if the choice were mine to make
But you can make decisions too
And you can have this heart to break

And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows

Thursday, November 4, 2010

LALALALALALA...AROOooOOOO!

Hello everyone out there in blog-world.

It's been a while. How are you? I'm freaking fantastic. Because you know what? Medusa and I had forgotten our password to this blog and JUST NOW remembered it!!!

So I've got a lot of updating to do, on my life.

First of all, I now have a boyfriend, but you see, it's not Billy Bob Joe XII... his name is Moose. He goes to a college close by, but not too close, so I really only get to see him on the weekend...which I must say makes the reunions so much sweeter but I miss him so so much during the week. Anyway let me just say that Monday will be our 10 week "anniversary" which is good - really good, because we've dated before and didn't make it that far, ever. More on past history later, maybe. It's 11:38 and I can't go through that right now.

Anyway I love him. I'm pretty sure we're gonna get married and Medusa knows about this... she's helped me look through some dresses while I suggest ridiculously awesome shoes for her...

Oh and guess what? I got an A- on my Politics midterm exam. SO HAPPY!!!!!!

Also, I'm not quite "over" Billy Bob. I guess that's bad...but...my dear Moose knows about it, and when I told him, he said it would be okay, and just held me close. That's when I knew for sure he's a keeper - now I'm just doubting myself, what if I can't keep up my end of the deal?

It will be okay, though, I had no idea I had the capacity for so much love in my heart, to give and to receive, no idea someone would know me so well from the inside out, not idea anyone could be so patiently understanding and supportive, and the best thing is, I told him I want a career, and he said he could be a stay at home dad. I love him. I love him. I love him. Need I say more?

That will be all for now...I promise I will write more frequently from now on. I had forgotten how much fun this is.

One last thing: You all should look up this Youtube video, it's Helene Segara, L'amour est un soleil... beautiful gorgeous song... ---> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jMbvzowbFzk&a=GxdCwVVULXe5Bnh8-2G82I71DqIIqqZC&list=ML&playnext=21

TTFN, dearies *with English accent of course*
~Dido

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Starting a relationship 3 weeks before leaving for college was probably a bad idea...

...Especially when the clock ticks down and it's six days before you leave. I should have learned my lesson ages ago. Relationships mean emotional attachment, and that means dependence. But I never learn, and here I am.

So last Friday, I went on my date with The Loser. And it was fun. Of course, it almost wasn't. I picked him up, because I'm an idiot for dating a guy without a license, and started driving. And ran, at 65 mph, into some metal thing that looked like the door of a dog cage. So it was grating against the road and I was panicking and I pulled onto the shoulder... the wrong shoulder. But at that point I did not care. So I got out of the car, and pulled out the piece of the cage, only then I couldn't get back in through the drivers door because there wasn't enough space between the door and the guardrail so I had to get in through the back door and climb over the seat, except I got hooked by a fishing hook on a fishing rod some idiot had put in the car. "Some idiot" being my dad, who had gone camping. Anyway, I disentangled and de-hooked myself, and climbed into the seat. The Loser laughing the whole way. It was humiliating.

But then we went on to Alejandro's, and ate. And he paid! I wasn't sure whether he would. And then we went to the movie, and sat there in the theater for 10 minutes without even touching as I wondered whether he was actually interested in me, until he finally grabbed my hand. Actually he asked permission to hold my hand, which I found rather endearing. And then he put his arm around me, and I stopped paying attention to the movie. We saw Salt, but I couldn't tell you whether it was good because I honestly don't know.

And then on Monday I went to his house, to play videogames. Slightly lame in that I suck at all videogames. There are no exceptions. And so The Loser proceeded to beat me at Guitar Hero, Modern Warfare 2, and Halo. Then his younger sister came in, which was both a bad and good thing. Good in that she convinced him to quit playing videogames and put on something from Netflix instead, bad in that she sat there and WOULD NOT LEAVE so The Loser and I could only hold hands discreetly because his sister is a creeper. But then when I left he walked me to my car, and I kissed him. Apparently it was his first kiss. Which was odd. But oh well. He seemed to have liked it.

So yeah. That's basically what's happened with me and The Loser. And here I am. And it's weird. Because, I mean, I definitely love him. And he's said he loves me too. Which I love hearing... but always lurking in the background is the reminder that a few months ago, he was saying these same sweet, amazing things to Girl Scout. And it's hard for me to trust him. Which is stupid and hypocritical of me, as I've definitely said these things to other guys before. And I don't even know what's going to happen when I leave in 6 days.

Relationships and emotional attachment and dependence are all highly overrated.

But I love him anyway.

~Medusa

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Thoughts on Dentists

I had to go to the dentist twice this week, for a checkup and then a filling. And these experiences have made me ask some questions.

For example, why do dentists insists on hanging up posters about various things that can be wrong with your teeth? There you are, lying in that stupid chair, bored out of your mind and then there are these POSTERS that make you panic and be like "Oh no, what if I have moderate periodontitis?" Hypochondria at the dentist's office. Not a fan. I am also not a fan of the anesthesia they use. Because it is not a pleasant sensation, the feeling that one side of your face is sliding off your skull.

Oh well. On the plus side, I have a date with The Loser tomorrow. We're going to Alejandro's for lunch, which will hopefully not result in my having a hysterical laugh attack similar to the ones I tend to have at Alejandro's with Dido. And then we are seeing Salt. Wish me luck! ...who am I even talking to?

~Medusa

[Dido's Note: Another thing about those posters on destist office walls: The drawings are usually AWFUL. I mean, I can't draw, but I can draw better than THAT.]

Love...








This was my wonderful IM conversation with Billy Bob last night... I love him... <3>
--Dido

























Wednesday, August 11, 2010

SLUTS

Sorry, I've neglected this blog for a long time. :(

I had an interesting day at the beach a couple of days ago. I went on a walk in the morning to watch the sunrise, which turned out to be hidden behind thick clouds (FAIL) but instead I found a message in a bottle! Yes, dear readers, and I'm not joking. I was so happy and excited, although I'm sure that on the way home other walkers/joggers must have thought something along the lines of "GIRLLLLLL it's a bit early to be drinking wine, isn't it???" as they saw me walking along, grinning stupidly while holding the corked bottle.

The message wasn't very interesting, just from two girls who want an answer to their message, so I'll let them know I found their bottle.

Later that day I discovered a beached jellyfish, still alive, and in the true spirit of this blog, I dug it a channel to the water so it could be saved. I felt very heroic. Apparently I was not to be rewarded though, in the evening I was stung by a jellyfish quite badly.
Here are the remedies for jellyfish stings, embellished with my own experiences:
1. Rub the area with sand, wash with salt water.
2. Go home, complaining all the way.
3. Get shaving cream, spread on area, scrape off with credit card (This part hurts like the end of the world...)
4. Get vinegar, pour on area.
5. Discover that that was a waste of vinegar, get paper towels, soak with vinegar, apply to area.
6. Wince with pain as vinegar disinfects and removes stingy stuff.
7. Leave vinegar wraps on for 30 minutes, then remove and replace with fresh wraps.
8. Repeat until entire person smells like pickles, aka, is so sick of the smell that the pain is bearable, this could also be due to the vinegar wafts - perhaps they have an effect on the brain???
9. Go to bed, smelling pickled
10. Get up 2 hours later, shower
11. Go back to bed, smelling like pickles and shower gel.
12. Curse jellyfish.
13. Wake up.
14. Go back to the ocean, have a nice day, feel better :)

So that was that. Later we went to this tourist store, and I found little fridge magnets that read, for example:

"When I'm with you life sings"
"Forget Love, I'd rather fall in Chocolate!"
"People are supposed to make mistakes. That's why we have erasers."
"An optimist is someone who expects all the crayons to be in the box."
"My photographic memory never developed."
"Wait a minute... I need to put on my 'Gosh-I-Really-Care' Face."
"I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message."
"D.I.E.T. = Did I Eat That?"
"S.L.U.T.S. = Southern Ladies Up To Something"

I thought they were amusing :)

--Dido

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Medusa would just like to say that The Loser is the most amazing guy ever...

...And that she kind of doesn't want to go to college yet because she doesn't want to let him go. Apparently there's this whole amazing, sweet, romantic side of him I had NO IDEA existed. And so I like him kind of a lot more than I'd anticipated. But honestly, if you were sent texts like...

"I think I just might like you more than I thought I did yesterday. :) I feel amazingly good at the moment. :) I kinda wish I could always feel like this. :)"

"I kind of like you. :) And I like saying that. Sorry if I sound sappy or repetitive. :P"

"I mean it. :) I think you're beautiful. :)"

...you'd probably feel the same. Anyway, ta for now. I keep thinking I'm going to wake up.

--Medusa

Monday, July 26, 2010

It's interesting how getting what you want can make life REALLY COMPLICATED.

Apparently, The Loser likes me back. Two simultaneous reactions here: 1) "YAYYYYYY! I LOVE LIFE!" 2) "CRAP! He just broke up with Girl Scout last week! And I leave for BYU in a month! And my parents would NOT be okay with this because of the age gap! ...NOW WHAT?"

And neither he nor I know the answer.

--Medusa

Oh and also, I wanted to share something hilarious Dido sent me the other day:

"Well I was just minding my own business in waist deep ocean water. All of a sudden I heard this loud wave behind me & when I turned around there was a 10 foot wave right on top of me and it crashed down and I went under and got turned over about 3 times and swallowed a bunch of water and it all got in my eyes and nose & I thought I would never get back up bc I had no idea where I was. And I thought I was gonna die. My last thoughts would not have been about my life or friends or family. No. They would have been: "Damn. I haven't heard all of Lady Gaga's songs yet. Well this sucks."

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

"Creative Blog Title Goes Here"

A conversation between Medusa and myself on my birthday.
This should be self-explanatory:

Me: My cake had 19 candles on it and the flames were somehow different colors. When I blew them out I wished with all my heart and soul "Billy Bob." That is all.

Medusa: Bahaha I did the same thing on my birthday... with the Loser...

Me: You know. I am starting to think we are the losers here :)

Medusa: I feel like you're right. Hahaha

Medusa: ...in the process of cleaning my room I found a small glass figurine of what appears to be the virgin mary. I have no idea where it came from or what it was doing under my bed. WTF. haha

(later...)

Me: That is so weird. Haha. Wow. I found some interesting t h ings in my closet which I threw away imediately. Yay packing! XD

Medusa: Haha I guess. I'm currently in the middle of one of those ridiculous emotional breakdowns over everything and nothing.

Me: Oh. Not good. Why? And eat some chocolate? Feel better... :(

Medusa: I don't even know. hahaha. General worries about EVERYTHING. Probably because I'm pmsing. When I wake up tomorrow I'll be fine. blahhhh. haha

Me: Aggh I hate being a girl! And I hate the universe for being a man bitch. Poor you. :( Seriously, men are so much better off.

Medusa: It's true. gah. I vote we kill them ALL. haha

Me: Yes except Johnny Depp. :)

Medusa: Yeah... and Taylor Lautner. And Brad Pitt. I just watched Mr. And Mrs. Smith. hahaha

Me: And Billy Bob. Always Billy Bob. Hey you like motorcycle men. Taylor Lautner has one! In the movie at least. Haha

Medusa: Hahaha very nice. Actually I kind of do...the bad boy vibe is quite attractive. Which is ironic because I refuse to ever ride a motorcycle. But yes, we can save Billy Bob if you like. And the Loser. Regrettably, I'm rather attached. :/ hahaha

Me: Yeah let's save them. However if there are only 5 men left alive the competition will be AWFUL.

Medusa: We save them... but put them somewhere else, like the moon. Then we go live on the moon with them, keeping ours and sharing the celebrities between us, while the newly female world eradicates poverty, global warming, the energy crisis, and the problem of the toilet seat being left up. hahaha

Me: Can I please put this conversation on the blog? Hahahahaha

And the rest is history! But really. I laughed so hard for most of this.

--Dido

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

...The Loser broke up with Girl Scout.

And I'm now somewhere between being really sad for Girl Scout, and doing a happy dance complete with Russian high kicks.

--Medusa

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Why Elly Jackson is infinitely better than Katy Perry



First off, I am fairly confident that The Loser's allusions to this blog were purely coincidental. Thank Buddha almighty.

And now to the point. Elly Jackson, lead singer of La Roux, is better than Katy Perry, by a lot. To illustrate my point, I give you screenshots from the "California Gurls" music video (Katy Perry), and the "Bulletproof" music video (La Roux) with helpful notes written by myself.









So as we can see, Elly Jackson challenges conventions and stands on artistic merit. Katy Perry conforms to the feminine norm in order to appeal to animalistic men, and thus stands not on talent or artistic merit, but on sex appeal. To quote Elly Jackson:

What's your stance on the way that female musicians either choose to or are forced to use a sexuality that's essentially just designed to appeal to men?

"It's really patronising to women. I know that there's far more ways to be sexy than to dress in a miniskirt and a tank top. If you're a real woman you can turn someone on in a plastic bag just by looking at them. That's what a real woman is, when you've got the sex eyes. I think you attract a certain kind of man by dressing like that. Women wonder why they get beaten up, or having relationships with arsehole men. Because you attracted one, you twat. It's a funny culture, it's definitely a funny culture. Those women are just insecure, but they'll turn round to me and say 'you're just jealous 'cos you want a tan and you want big boobs, stupid boy-looking girl'. You can't win, they wouldn't believe me for a second."

In conclusion:

>

--Medusa

Medusa is Freaking Out

Yesterday, as I already said, The Loser guessed that I was dyeing my hair Katy Perry color.

Today, he sent me a random text that said "Jellyfish."

Perhaps I am overreacting, but I am FREAKING OUT. Either he's good at ridiculously creepy coincidences, he can read my mind, or somehow he found this blog.

If, and I sincerely hope it isn't, option 3 is correct, here is a message to him.

Hey Loser. I sincerely hope you never actually read this. Because if you do, you're officially a total creeper. How in the name of Buddha did you find out about this blog, anyway? But I suppose that if you're reading this, you did. Which is a problem. I didn't want you to EVER know I like you that way. In fact, I still don't. But if you're reading this, you know now. Jerk. Anyway, if you receive this message, PLEASE don't let me keep freaking out about this and sending random things that are relevant to it to scare me. If you read this, please, IMMEDIATELY, text me something random involving turtles. Because turtles are awesome, unlike you. Loser. :(

-Medusa

...If it's actually Option 1 and he's good at ridiculous coincidences and he sends a random text about turtles without knowing anything, I swear I am going to spontaneously combust.

So actually, Loser, if you wouldn't mind sending a text AND commenting on this post, that'd be great. KKTHXBAI.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Yesterday, the Beach Failed Me

I have arrived safely at the beach - actually I arrived yesterday afternoon with my family. We decided to unpack the car and have dinner before heading out to the ocean, which turned out to be a very bad idea.

Yes, we saw the gigantic storm cloud that covered 3/4 of the sky and was pretty much jet black. Yes, we were aware that going to the beach during a storm is a bad idea. And yes, we were stubborn. So, yes, we were idiots and drove to the beach.

The thing about this island where we're staying is that everyone has golf carts even though no one plays golf. It's just the way you get around without getting sand and salt all over your fancy expensive car that goes with your fancy expensive beach house (in our case this is a minivan and a rented house). Anyway golf carts are great fun. I tried to keep this in mind an hour after we left the safety of the tranquil house.

It took us about 10 minutes to find the beach when it should have taken about 3 because my dad thought the beach was in the other direction... That was a failure. As soon as we did find the beach, we unpacked all our beach stuff with great excitement (you all know how it is, the first day of vacation) and walked through the sand dunes towards the waves with the now HUMONGOUS storm cloud practically overhead.

We even made it to the water before the sky turned yellow and we finally saw lightning - about 100 yards down the beach from where we were standing!!! It was terrifying, and the thunder that followed was unbelievable. I thought my ears were goners for sure. Needless to say we ran to the golf cart, loaded everything back up, and drove off.

Quick side note: By this time it was pouring rain. A shower can't provide as much water as that cloud did. And I was stuck in the part of the golf car that has no roof - there is only a roof for the front two seats, and my sister was on my mom's lap, scared, while I was in the back, cowering under a towel and praying to anyone who was listening that I wouldn't get electrocuted. ("I'm too young to die! Billy Bob hasn't had a chance to kiss me yet!!! OH NO. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!") So anyway I was all alone in my rainy, stormy misery, literally.

Then, as if this ordeal wasn't bad enough already, our golf cart broke down halfway home. There was a shortage or something in the battery when it got wet...? Or something, my dad explained it but I didn't understand it really. The point is, we were no longer on our way to safety. We were stuck on the side of the road. My sister is the only one who enjoyed this next part. She got to sit at the steering wheel while I had to get off the cart with my parents and push the bloody thing for the last mile and a half! It was miserable. It was raining so hard I couldn't see anything in front of my face even though we were walking, and all of a sudden the road was flooded with huge puddles. I was afraid I would drown, either in a puddle or by breathing.

We did make it home, finally. I took a very long, extravagant hot shower and everything was sort of better, but it kept storming for the remainder of the night. Whenever I heard thunder I jumped. It was terrible; usually I like storms and have no problem with them whatsoever. Yesterday, however, it seems the universe was out to get me... What else is new?

--Dido

...The Loser can read minds without even knowing it.

The following conversation just occurred, through text:

...
Me: *rolls eyes* brb, dyeing hair
The Loser: Okay.
(time passes)
Me: Color is in. now i get to wait forever and hope it doesn't turn out awful.
The Loser: Katy Perry color?

GAH. He has no idea that that was my primary motivation, actually.

...I hope.

--Medusa
[Dido's Note: I think he needs to be more like Johnny Depp.]

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Medusa's life is still boring, but she has a newfound hatred for Katy Perry

This is a problem, because the one song that describes my current situation is by my new celebrity arch-nemesis. As I previously said, The Loser and I are really good friends. What I may have not mentioned, however, is that The Loser kind of thinks of me as a guy. "Dude," "Bro," etc. Aside from the obvious problems I have with this, it also means he won't shut up about girls he finds attractive. And so I have developed strong hatred for Megan Fox, Jessica Alba, the entire female population of England, and, as of a few minutes ago, Katy Perry. Apparently The Loser finds the California Gurls music video to be hot. As alarming as the concept of him being turned on by a whipped-cream canister bra is, what is more alarming is that I can not, as I usually can, turn to music for solace. You see, the only song that describes my current situation is "One of the Boys" by---Katy Perry.

I mean, this describes me perfectly:

"So I don't wanna be one of the boys, one of your guys
So give me a chance to prove to you tonight
That I just wanna be one of the girls
Pretty in pearls and not one of the boys."

Normally, I'd blast this song over... and over... and over. But no! Now, I can't! Because Katy Perry is now the ENEMY. That whore.

He's such a jerk. Here I just bought him an Amazon mp3 gift card for his birthday (...a $3 one, but it's the thought that counts, right?) and he repays me by blabbing on about how hot Katy Perry is when he knows PERFECTLY WELL that I hate it when he does that.

I hate that kid.

...At least, I wish I did.

--Medusa

Updated: Last Night's Conversation, an Excerpt (Or, Why I Hate My Life.)

Me: Enough already! why do you always DO that? >:(
The Loser: DO what?
Me: Talk about hot girls incessantly. :P
The Loser: Oh, because you don't like it. :D

Sigh.

Update 2: I'm pathetic! YAY!

I hate Katy Perry.

But I have decided to start modeling my hair and makeup on hers. I'm too scared to do black. So I just dyed my hair DARK dark brown. And now for pinup makeup! Hello, pink, magenta, and red lipstick! Hello, black eyeliner and baby doll eyelashes! ...Goodbye, self-respect and individual style. I am so pathetic it isn't even funny. I doubt The Loser is even going to notice.

Medusa's Life is Boring **UPDATED**


I wanted to write a post, but I couldn't think of anything to write about. Here's a picture of a baby sloth.


--Medusa


**UPDATE**

My life is still boring, but I found ALL SORTS of cute baby animals to share!

Baby Hippo:


Baby Elephant:



Baby Fox:



Baby Polar Bear:



Baby Lion:



Baby Kangaroo:



Baby Cheetah:



BABY DINOSAUR:



Tuesday, July 13, 2010

My Beloved

So today's the day to talk about Billy Bob Joe XII. (His real name is really short.)
As Medusa already mentioned, yes, he is bald, but not because he is old. He chooses to be bald. There IS a difference... and he is also my former Latin teacher. I don't know what you all know about scanning a line of poetry, but when he scans, save me because I think it adds to his attractiveness. I'm such a geek. Oh well. Anyway, he just turned 26, and I'm about to turn 19, which means he is, uh... (26-19=7) seven years older than I am. Not that much, huh?

Sadly because he is 26, he is not interested in a 19-year-old. Also, he has a girlfriend who is probably closer to his age and who has made it possible for him to spend 3 weeks in Rome and then another week in Scotland. I hate that girl. Her name is Cat Vomit. I didn't come up with that; Medusa did... but it fits well.

I think I'm in love with Billy Bob Joe XII. I can't stop thinking about him, I have conversations with him in my head, I talk to him on IM all the time when he happens to be in the country, I shared my strawberries with him!!! That means a lot because I NEVER share strawberries with ANYONE unless they are SUPER AWESOME LOVEABLE LATIN TEACHERS I HAPPEN TO BE IN LOVE WITH. Yeah!!! Okay and I also have his dishes.

This is how I got his dishes: We were on IM and he mentioned he was selling his things in his apartment because he's moving in with Cat Vomit because he's joining the Marines which means he can't teach next school year because he's leaving in March and because he won't have a job he can't afford his rent. (Secretly I hate the Marines. But only because Billy Bob is leaving because of them.) So, I asked if there was anything a college student might need, and he said he was selling his dishes and his glasses and mugs and silverware for $30. I thought it was a great deal (PLUS if I bought the dishes I could see him, hehe), so I told him I'd buy them. So, whatever happens, AT LEAST I HAVE HIS DISHES. It's an inside joke. :) Laugh!

One of his mugs is bright orange and says "Harley Davidson" in fiery black letters and the mug is slanted. He has a motorcycle. Normally I don't think guys with motorcycles are attractive BUT Billy Bob is a different story. SO ATTRACTIVE. Like, beyond belief, and also he smells fantastic.

Finally I get to the point of this post: Today I received a punch to the stomach from his blog. He's keeping a blog of his trip to Europe in which both he and Cat Vomit write. Well anyway today it was about how Cat Vomit took him out to dinner for his birthday (2 weeks late) and at the end he wrote: "I have the best girlfriend in the world!"

Needless to say I felt like running to the bathroom and throwing up but instead I texted Medusa about my misery. I wanted to cry. I feel like they will get married. And I don't have a chance with him anyway but I'd rather Cat Vomit disappeared and I could be his awesome girlfriend. It is very frustrating. Well, nothing I can do about it for now, if there is anything I could do, because he is in Rome, with HER, and won't be back until July 28th, and I won't be back from the beach until August 11th, which leaves practically NO time to see him. Plus, what would I tell my parents? "Hey mom, I'm gonna go hang out with my Latin teacher from high school!" ... "WHAAAAT???!!!"

Exactly. So, I'm doomed. I'll be a crazy cat lady when I am old because of all this trauma.

--Dido

Dido got to talk about Text-Man, it's my turn to talk about The Loser

I met The Loser two years ago when I moved here. He went to my church, as did Girl Scout. I didn't know him very well, but I did know that Girl Scout liked him a lot and I was pretty sure he liked her too. I thought they'd make an adorable couple, but I stayed out of it because Girl Scout didn't believe me when I said he liked her. A few months later, they finally told each other they liked each other. This was in January of 2009. Over the next year, I became really good friends with The Loser. It started with nothing but relationship advice-- I'd translate Girl Scout for him, or tell him what he was doing wrong. Occasionally I'd do the same for Girl Scout, and tell her what The Loser meant. It was all very one-sided though... I was clearly on Girl Scout's side in all this. I helped him decide what to get her for Christmas of 2009, and Valentines Day this year, and her birthday this year. But our conversations became less focused on his relationship with Girl Scout and more on... randomness. I went to him for guy advice. I made fun of his hair. I threatened him with death on multiple occasions. He became one of my best friends. I thought of him like a brother. And then one day I realized I didn't.

Suddenly I was in the dumbest situation I'd ever been in. I liked The Loser, who was dating Girl Scout, who was one of my best friends, so I couldn't even sabotage their relationship. How ridiculous is that? Which basically brings me to the present. Girl Scout gets mad sometimes about how much The Loser talks to me, which means I have to reassure her that he loves her, which makes me want to kill myself and punch Girl Scout in the face at the same time. Needless to say, I am now completely on The Loser's side as far as his relationship with Girl Scout goes. Girl Scout kind of can be a bit high-maintenance at times. Also, she doesn't appreciate his sense of humor as she ought, and is always complaining that that they never have serious conversations. This is very strange to me, because I personally think that serious conversations with The Loser are lame, and ridiculous ones are much more entertaining. But I digress.

Anyway. The Loser isn't sure if he wants to be in a relationship with Girl Scout anymore, because of the reasons listed above. He does, however, still like her. Which puts me in an awkward position: I can't tell him to break up with her, because that's stabbing Girl Scout in the back. But I also understand his reasons for not wanting to be in a relationship with her, and that's not just because I happen to like him. I've compromised by dodging the subject completely, which means that instead I talk to him about the battle between his 7 foot monkeys that have been given the awesomeness powers of Morgan Freeman, versus my attack koalas that have been given the seductive powers of Megan Fox.

Sigh.

--Medusa

*Note: I should probably mention that Girl Scout is not actually a Girl Scout. The Loser, however, is a Boy Scout. Blah.
[Dido's Note: I think the only reason their relationship exists and works somewhat is because of you. No kidding. I still think you should go for it!!! Except wait, you're friends with Girl Scout. Maybe don't go for it. Haha.] [Medusa's Note: I'm pretty sure you're right about the first bit. Stupid me. And going for it would be a really bad idea. Haha. *cries*]

Monday, July 12, 2010

It's a bird! It's a plane! No... It's TEXT-MAN!!!

So I just wanted to introduce you all to Text-Man. Basically, he is average. But he is also attractive in a "I don't know you but I think if I met you I might like you" kind of way. I have a kind of obsession with his texts when we're talking. I mean, I'll be sitting at my laptop, minding my own business (NOT. I'm usually on facebook, and you all know what that means...) when suddenly POP out of nowhere comes this text from him.

I must mention this: I've never seen him face-to-face.

Anyway, I get all excited about his text and I answer and then... the waiting begins. I wait. And wait. And wait. And even though it only takes him 2 minutes to respond I feel like "TIME IS RUNNING OUT OH NO OH NO SAVE ME" because I wonder how he'll ever respond to my demand: "Hi! :)" Okay so most of our conversations are pointless. But that's justifiable; we don't know each other.

Oh wait, I know some things: He plays frisbee a lot, and possibly soccer, and also his mom likes collecting persian rugs and wants to get him one for his room. By the way, he is being very brave and trusting: His mother is buying all of his dorm things! And decorating it!!! Apparently she is an interior decorator and he says the things are all "manly" but still... I don't know if I would trust my mom to decorate my dorm. Another fact about him: His family is RICH RICH RICH. Dirty Rich. They have a lakehouse in South Carolina! No I am not a stalker. He volunteered all this information.

I made a mistake the other day. Guess why? I didn't ask Medusa for advice. Then again it was about 2:30 a.m. and I thought she'd be asleep. So anyway in a non-drunken sleep-deprived dumb stupor I suggested Text-Man come visit me at the beach when I am there. He lives in Georgia. It's a 5 hour drive. He probably would have come, too, if he didn't just get shoulder reconstructive surgery and can't drive for a couple of weeks. But just imagine the endless possibilities!........ Of problems!!!
1. My parents
2. I don't know him
3. Where would he stay
4. How would I explain
5. It's a gated community he can't get in without a gate pass which I would never get from my parents
6. He can't drive
7. I'd have to pick him up with my car which is not coming to SC with us
8. It would be a 10 hour round trip drive, twice.
9. It was an idea arising from a sleep-deprived stupor and I should have known better
10. We can now conclude that yes, I make horrible decisions without Medusa.

That is all. I'm sure there will be more posts about Text-Man in the future.

[Note from Medusa: Dido, PLEASE text me in the future, even if it is 2:30 am.]

--Dido

Cast of Characters: I was going to write about Alejandro's, but then decided this was more necessary.

An introduction to the Cast of Characters, as they stand, that may be mentioned in this blog:

Medusa: Well, me. I've introduced myself already, sort of. I'm a military brat who's going to BYU in the fall to study graphic design, probably. I have too many shoes (I believe I'm at 56 pairs), but at the same time not enough. I tend to go off on tangents, so bear with me.

Dido: My best friend. She's going to Sweet Briar in the fall, which is a shame because it's in Virginia and BYU is in Utah and therefore I will be at a long distance from anyone who understands the inside jokes I will probably wind up laughing about loudly while others look at me in stunned disbelief and slowly back away. [Dido's Note: It's true. The same thing will happen to me.]

Billy Bob Joe XII: Dido's former teacher, and the love of her life, sort of. He's bald and wears fingerless gloves sometimes, which is not attractive. Fortunately, he finally shaved off his moustache. He's currently off in Europe with his girlfriend, eating giant lemons which they apparently grow in Italy. He's joining the Marines, which has caused Dido much heartache and sorrow. Good thing this blog is anonymous, as are the characters, eh, Dido? [Dido's Note: He is totally attractive, and FYI, he smells amazing. And yes, good thing the blog is anonymous. More about Billy Bob later.]

Cat Vomit: Billy Bob Joe XII is dating a vet. Vets deal with sick cats, and therefore smell like cat vomit. Probably. Also, the woman has no fashion sense. Dido doesn't actually know her, or much about her, so she has leave to hate her as much as she chooses.

The Loser: Regrettably, I like one of my best guy friends as more than a friend. It's a problem, because he's dating another one of my best friends. In fact, I helped their relationship work at the beginning because I did not yet like The Loser that way. And now I am stuck in a ridiculous situation. The Loser is a loser, but regrettably my hormones haven't figured that out yet. We don't need to mention his age.

Girl Scout: The Loser's girlfriend. Really, I'd love to hate her, but I can't because she's perfect.

The Tramp: A former friend of Dido and me. She'd have a lot fewer boy problems if she'd stop throwing herself at anything with an ounce of testosterone. Hopefully she will not appear much in this blog because we won't have to deal with her.

Dido, did I leave anyone out? Updates to follow, possibly. [Dido's Note: We'll have to add people as they come and go anyway.] [Medusa's Note: Well yes, but not necessarily here. We can just introduce them. Hey, I have an idea. Maybe we can make a sidebar gadget for the cast of characters and add people when necessary.] [Dido's Note: Sure, sounds good. You do it, I suck at technology. Tell me how to edit it :) ] [Medusa's Note: Yes'm.]

--Medusa

Paper Gangsta

Today Medusa and I went to our local mall together and performed our Mall Ritual. First, we go to this awesome Mexican restaurant called "Alejandro's" for lunch, then we see a movie, and afterwards wander around the mall ending up in such stores as Charlotte Russe and Bath & Body Works.

Well, today I brought my Lady Gaga CD which Medusa had burned for me (very awesome). I don't know if you like Lady Gaga or not, but we do, and of course one of her songs is called "Alejandro." It's a very good song; even if you think you don't like Lady Gaga, you should listen to it. Anyway after lunch we drove to the movies and lo and behold, "Paper Gangsta" started playing. It's even better than "Alejandro." It goes like this:

"'Cause I do not accept any less
Than someone just as real - as fabulous!
Don't want no paper gansta!!!
Won't sign away my life to
Someone who's got the flavor
But don't got no follow through
Don't want to paper gangsta!!!!!!
Won't sign no monkey papers.
I don't do funny business,
Not interested in fakers!"
(courtesy of Lady Gaga, all rights reserved.)

And yes, those exclamation points are part of the music as we sang along with it. For emphasis, of course, to cover up our inability to hit a single note. [Medusa's Note: Oh please. It wasn't THAT bad.]

Now, to get back on track, I was trying to explain why the song "Paper Gangsta" is on our blog. (You can find it at the very bottom on the right.) Well, it's just classic, at least in my life it carries a great deal of meaning.

We ended up seeing "Despicable Me." I can't stress enough how much all of you should go see it. I know, I know, you're probably thinking "Those previews were awful." or "It's a 5-year-old's movie!" or "That sounds really dumb." However you would be making a great mistake not to see it. It's hilarious. The characters are beyond cute. There is a storyline that makes no sense in a beautiful way. The little "minions" are adorable and I want one, as well as a shrunken elephant. (To get that reference you will need to see the movie.)

So on the way back home, after stopping by Charlotte Russe where Medusa bought gorgeous shoes and I got two pretty dresses on sale and a quick stop in Bath & Body Works to smell fabulous, we drove back home, and we listened to "Paper Gangsta" all the way back and even took a side trip down a road in our neighborhood with the music blaring. I'm pretty sure the neighbors could hear it very clearly even though we were curteous and had the windows rolled up. Well, as Medusa said, "It's good music - we SHOULD be sharing it!" Also, this is the last time we saw each other before I leave for the beach in South Carolina on Wednesday. I'll be gone for 4 weeks, no idea if I'll have internet access or not. Anyway, we had a great time and sang along at the top of our lungs and danced in the car as best we could. [Medusa's Note: Keeping one's hands on the wheel while driving is a good thing, as Dido needs to learn.]

Unless I think of another anecdote this will be all for tonight.
P.S. Please go see "Despicable Me." You will not regret it.

--Dido

Hello from Dido

Hello, dearest readers. You will not want to read this blog. I promise. Unless, of course, you love hearing about dishes, or mexican food, or little-kid movies. However, if you do decide to read our posts, I promise you that you'll be entertained.

I'd like to apologize in advance for anything I say that might lead you to make a bad decision. If you follow my advice, it's your fault if the result is unwanted, because I have personally decided NEVER to follow my own advice. It's a bad idea. Medusa can tell you all about that; in fact I firmly believe I'm only alive today to write in this blog because she saved me from various horrible deaths, i.e. by embarrassment or stupidity.

If you're wondering how we chose the title, just be patient. You will find out. Maybe. Who knows? That's life - confusing, mixed up, unpredictable, backstabbing, but sometimes undeniably beautiful. And no, I am not sappy or depressed. I am honest with myself. I do have a weakness for sappy love songs, and I am slightly depressed about my love life, but all around my life is good. Also, if you haven't noticed, I tend to ramble. Good luck keeping up with my logic! Really, you'll need it. Have fun reading!

--Dido

Hello from Medusa

Dido and I were talking the other day, and decided that since we are going to different colleges this fall on opposite sides of the country, we should jointly write a blog. So hello. Welcome, all you nonexistent readers in Readerland. Prepare to be dazzled and prepare to be confused. You will have no idea what we're talking about, half the time. Well, join the club. Half the time I don't know what we're talking about either.

Here, we will vent about the ridiculous things that happen to us. We will vent about boys, and we will vent about roommates, and we will vent about our own idiocy. We will offer good advice we do not follow. We will tell long stories nobody cares about. We will waste time writing this when we should be writing papers. Names will be changed to protect the innocent.

As I said, welcome to the blog. I did warn you.

--Medusa