Jellyfish, Cat Vomit, and Seductive Koalas: Medusa is Freaking Out

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Medusa is Freaking Out

Yesterday, as I already said, The Loser guessed that I was dyeing my hair Katy Perry color.

Today, he sent me a random text that said "Jellyfish."

Perhaps I am overreacting, but I am FREAKING OUT. Either he's good at ridiculously creepy coincidences, he can read my mind, or somehow he found this blog.

If, and I sincerely hope it isn't, option 3 is correct, here is a message to him.

Hey Loser. I sincerely hope you never actually read this. Because if you do, you're officially a total creeper. How in the name of Buddha did you find out about this blog, anyway? But I suppose that if you're reading this, you did. Which is a problem. I didn't want you to EVER know I like you that way. In fact, I still don't. But if you're reading this, you know now. Jerk. Anyway, if you receive this message, PLEASE don't let me keep freaking out about this and sending random things that are relevant to it to scare me. If you read this, please, IMMEDIATELY, text me something random involving turtles. Because turtles are awesome, unlike you. Loser. :(

-Medusa

...If it's actually Option 1 and he's good at ridiculous coincidences and he sends a random text about turtles without knowing anything, I swear I am going to spontaneously combust.

So actually, Loser, if you wouldn't mind sending a text AND commenting on this post, that'd be great. KKTHXBAI.

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Cast of Characters

Billy Bob Joe XII: Dido's former teacher, and the love of her life, sort of. He's bald and wears fingerless gloves sometimes, which is not attractive. Fortunately, he finally shaved off his moustache. He's joining the Marines (in March!!!), which has caused Dido much heartache and sorrow. However, he now regularly initiates contact with Dido via Instant Messaging, which makes Dido severely giddy and extremely happy every time, even though she now has a boyfriend.

Cat Vomit: Billy Bob Joe XII is dating a vet. Vets deal with sick cats, and therefore smell like cat vomit. Probably. Also, the woman has no fashion sense. She finds huge lemons fascinating. Dido doesn't actually know her, or much about her, so she has leave to hate her as much as she chooses.

The Loser: Ex-boyfriend of Girl Scout, who now likes Medusa, much to her great joy. Regrettably, 1) Medusa leaves in a month, and 2) Girl Scout will not be happy when she finds out Medusa is now with The Loser. UPDATE: Ex-boyfriend of Medusa. Girl Scout found out. But now it's whatever, because Medusa is in Utah.

Girl Scout: The Loser's ex-girlfriend, a friend of Medusa's.

The Tramp: A former friend of Dido and Medusa. She'd have a lot fewer boy problems if she'd stop throwing herself at anything with an ounce of testosterone. Hopefully she will not appear much in this blog because Dido and Medusa won't have to deal with her. College in the north has not bettered this.

Text-Man: Some guy Dido's been texting from a school by Sweet Briar. Described as average-looking, in a nice way. Dido is reserving judgement until she actually meets him in person, which is probably smart. Update to follow when said meeting takes place. (November '10: Said meeting has yet to take place.)

Ingrid: Medusa's roommate. She's from North Carolina and she's basically adorable. She goes CRAZY every other night. Seriously INSANE. Like sitting up till 3, laughing at nothing. It's ridiculously entertaining to watch. Called Ingrid because she sings beautifully and it sounds a lot like Ingrid Michaelson.

Pterodactyl: Possibly the most hilarious person Medusa knows. She can do an excellent imitation of a pterodactyl mating call, and does so frequently at important social occasions. She can take anything that is serious or worrisome or bothering you, and make it the most hilarious thing ever by making it super-awkward in a really funny roommate. Medusa is torn between wishing she was Pterodactyl and wishing she was Shakira. WAKA WAKA EH EH.

ShoSho: Pterodactyl's roommate. She's probably the sweetest girl ever. She's like a mother to everybody, except sometimes she's about six years old. It's so entertaining. But she's super-nice and super-spiritual and super-perfect basically. Also, she is the one who has been on the most dates upon getting to BYU of the four of us. (Medusa, Ingrid, Pterodactyl, and ShoSho. We hang out all the time, basically.)

Ariel: Medusa's R.A. (Resident Assistant) She's hilarious. Basically. Except she keeps threatening to set Medusa up with this R.A. from one of the guys' dorms because Medusa mentioned ONCE that she found him attractive for no reason other than that he's insanely tall. Medusa is 5'10” and needs guys that are seriously tall because she isn't about to let her height stop her from wearing six inch heels.

Old MacDonald: A friend of Ingrid's from back home who also goes to BYU. He's really funny and really nice, except he is the BIGGEST. FLIRT. EVER. He will flirt with anything with boobs, seriously. And he doesn't mean anything by it, so it's not a big deal, except when inexperienced girls think he DOES mean anything by it, and then start stalking him. His problems would be solved if he toned down the flirting a bit, but evidently for him that is not possible.

Sex God: Old MacDonald's roommate. Oh my freaking Buddha. That boy is SO. FREAKING. HOT. And he plays guitar, bass, and cello. And sings. And Medusa basically has a huge crush on him.

Napoleon: A super-nice guy, who is about five feet tall. He is such a ladies man, or at least tries to be. It's basically the funniest thing to watch EVER.

Piano Man: He's kind of a girl. Like, for real. He acts like one. A middle-school aged one. Get this. He asked a mutual friend of his and Ingrid's to ask Ingrid to ask ShoSho if she liked him. And then he didn't ask her out once they knew they liked each other, he played mind games. LIKE A GIRL. And THEN he would overanalyze everything she said. Guys aren't supposed to do that. Girls are allowed to but shouldn't because it's dumb. He has no excuse. Anyway, he still likes ShoSho but she doesn't really like him anymore... It's weird. But he plays piano pretty much amazingly, and he's kinda cute in a boy next door way. But he's so not Medusa's type. She doesn't go for blonds.

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Medusa is Freaking Out

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